COUCH TO CORKSCREW (VIA THE GYM)
I couldn’t put it off any longer. The tree was down, the decorations packed away – Christmas was officially over and it was time to hit the gym.
And so, out came the leggings (thankfully stretchy) and the baggy t-shirt (somehow not as baggy as usual). I avoided viewing myself in the mirror and headed off to my fate.
Maybe I wouldn’t get parked and have to go home, I thought, brightening at the prospect. But no. I rounded the corner of the building and pulled into the car park to be faced with a good fifty parking spaces. No going back then!
In the changing room, I bedecked myself with iPod, phone, water bottle and started up the Strava app, tricking it into thinking I was going for a run – I can’t resist the orange squiggles a gym session generates. I’m easily pleased!
Unable to think of any other reason to procrastinate, I made for the machines. A young man was doing a curious mix of running hard for a minute, then stepping off the treadmill to lift something that looked like a Bosu balance trainer. He kept this oddly-entertaining sequence up for about ten minutes then vanished and I was forced to concentrate on my own routine. I switched on my iPod and immediately was assailed by some quality bangin’ tunes1. I looked at the cross-trainer and it looked back at me. It wasn’t going to move itself. I stepped on and began.
So how was it, reader? That first agonising gym session after the excesses of the festive season? You may well ask. The stats are below. Please judge for yourselves while I head off to reward myself with a glass or two of vino collapso. Cheers!
|TIME SPENT||50 minutes, 26 seconds|
|CALORIES BURNED||Machines say 382 but I’m not buying it. It’s a sneaky trick to make me up my game. The machines and I know it was at least a billion.|
|AFTER-EFFECTS||A face that could power the whole of Scotland for a week.|
|GAMES COMPLETED||Two of Mahjong and one of Solitaire. An excellent beginning.|
|NEXT GYM SESSION||Erm – I’ll get back to you on that …|
1 My daughter looked over my shoulder at this point and urged me never to use that expression again. I told her I was down with the kids and now she’s packing to leave home. Result!